HOT FOR STUDENTS

     Here we go....It's a new school year and you love reading stories about teachers and students having sex! Here's my first one of the school season! Isn't this exciting? 

     So, a substitute in Georgia has been arrested for allegedly inviting two make students to have sex with her at her suburban home. 38-year-old, Laura Rich, who worked as a teacher at the Ace Academy in Canton, GA, between January 2015 and this past August, was charged with several counts of sexual assault by a teacher on Friday. 

     Her victims? A 16-year-old and an 18-year-old boy, who were both of age at the time to legally consent, based on Georgia law, but it didn't matter in this context, according to police. Cherokee County's Sheriff's office said, "It's the relationship she had as a teacher-student that made it a crime." Once again, I ask...."If everyone (students and teacher) kept their mouths shut, there would be no crime right now!" You know it was the boys who were bragging about it and the story got out. 

     Rich allegedly invited the two students to her Actworth home for sex on multiple occasions over the course of a few months last year. The Sheriff's office said, "My understanding (is the relationship with) the 16-year-old lasted a little longer, maybe a couple months. The 18-year-old happened later in the year, which was not as long of a relationship." No word on whether the two boys were in her house at the same time for some DP action or not, but maybe she was using the 18-year-old to get the 16-year-old jealous. Who knows? Georgia is close enough to Florida to qualify them as crazy.

     Rich was released on a $22,400 bond mere hours after she was booked at an area detention center. The Cherokee County School District said it has severed all ties with the perverted teacher. The district said in a statement, "Our School District has zero tolerance for inappropriate relationships between students and any adults serving in any capacity in our school." And so it begins.....Don't you just love when school is back in session? I get more teacher-student sex stories!

BURGLAR SEX

     There is no way that I am writing about the debate last night. If that's what you were looking for, you can get off this page right now. I didn't even watch it! After reading some of the reactions from the debate, it was a good thing that I didn't. 

     Now, that I got that out of the way....I've heard of some pretty crazy fetishes in my day, but this one is a first. A couple was caught having sex in the Tennessee home they just burglarized. Breaking and entering just got a whole new meaning when the Bonnie and Clyde duo naked and in the act. Hilarious! 

     After a weekend getaway, Jamie Barnes, of South Memphis was met with a shocking surprise after she opened her front door and found a man and a woman bumping uglies on her couch in the middle of her ransacked home. She told a local TV channel, "I walked in and they're having sex on my couch!" She also added, "It's horrible in there. It's absolutely horrible in there. It's like they just had a big old nasty party." 

      Barnes said that when she saw the butt-naked thieves, she immediately picker up her broom to defend herself and claiming she wanted to the man really badly. According to Barnes, the man yelled repeatedly, "I don't know nothing!" while the woman reached for one of Barnes' dresses. Well, at least, we can come to the conclusion that the man didn't know how to speak English since he "don't know nothing!" Barnes said, "She tried to grab one of my dresses and put it on and I snatched it from her and asked, 'What are you trying to do?'"

     Eventually, the couple took off running and Barnes gave chase, but stopped once the man reached an alley. The police nabbed the woman, identified as Tonka Barnes (no relation), on a charge of aggravated burglary. They swiped Barnes' jewelry, appliances and clothes. Barnes, who is looking to move, told the news channel, "I don't feel comfortable at this house, so in my eyes, I'm homeless."

      As if being burglarized wasn't bad enough, these thieves decided to add fuel to the fire by having sex on the couch. That is truly incredible! Was the act of thievery turning them on? What couldn't wait until you got away? I'm not really sure what can cause two people committing a crime to get all horned up for each other. Can someone explain?  

RAT-HEAD-A-TOUILLE

     I know that I've written about something similar to this in the past, and this story actually came out on Monday, but it was too disgusting to pass up. 

     So, a New York woman may be too "chicken" to eat at Popeyes ever again after finding what she claims is a rat head in her meal. Um, claims? That is a rat head!

     Rosemary Thomas, of Clifton Park, NY, on Sunday posted an unappetizing photo of her meal on Facebook and said it came from Popeyes in Harlem, where she was eating with her family. She wrote on her Facebook post, "This is clearly a rat and they have the nerve to have a 5 rating by the Department of Health?"

     According to Thomas' Facebook post, she took her daughter to an urgent care clinic because the experience made the girl sick to her stomach. She wrote, "Yesterday, she ate nothing all day. All she said she could think of was that rat head after she consumed the crispy part." She also continued that she still had the rat head. Why? Why would you want to keep that? Evidence? The photo was evidence enough. I hope all of you finished eating your breakfast. 

     A spokesperson for Popeyes said the company is aware of the woman's experience and that the owner of the franchise has reached out to Thomas to get to the bottom of the incident. The spokesperson said, "He's meeting with Thomas as soon as she is able. In the meantime, he ordered a health department inspection and they found nothing out of the ordinary. We checked with suppliers and they feel it is most likely chicken organ meat. We will work with the guest to recover the product and test it to confirm that." 

     This isn't the first time Popeyes has been accused of serving deep-fried breaded rat to customers. Back in July, a woman in Louisiana, reported seeing a rat inside a chicken breast and posted it on Facebook. I mean, hey, you can't help what falls into the deep-fryer once you get that thing going. It could be a mouse or a rat or a hand. Either way it's disgusting! Although, I like Popeyes better than KFC, it might be time to just fine my own recipe for fried chicken. This way I know it will be chicken....or cat, at least! Just kidding about the cat. 

THINK BEFORE YOU BLOW AND DRIVE

     Who doesn't like great road head, right? You and your girl taking a little ride. You decide to get a little frisky while driving and she puts her head down by your lap. You know what's about to go down. You're enjoying it and you close your eyes for a second when suddenly, there's a deer in the middle of the road and you swerve to avoid hitting it, but your girl clenches everything including her teeth and there goes your manhood. (Yes, I winced too!)

     Well, that's what happened in Austria recently. A young woman, who was sitting in the passenger seat, was giving her partner oral sex on a quiet country road not far from Krems in northwest Austria when a deer suddenly crossed in front of the car, causing the driver to suddenly brake. 

     The young woman was taken by surprise, and accidentally bit into his penis. (Yes, I winced again!) The emergency services were surprised to get a call saying that an ambulance was needed because of a "penis bite after a car crash," and didn't know quite what to expect when they arrived. 

     The couple was taken to a hospital, where the man received some minor surgery. Guess he was a little guy! Surgeons told him that the would was only superficial (What the hell does that mean?) I guess all of the damage was on the surface and she didn't bite all the way into his Oscar Meyer Weiner? They also told him that his "joystick" should soon be back in full working order. That's good news for both the guy and the girl, but let this be a lesson to all of us. Lollipopping on the road can be hazardous to all of us. So please be careful!

NEW POTATO CHIP SEASONING.....ANTS!

      Before I allow you to continue reading, you might want to finish your breakfast first. Blog posts about food never go down well while eating. Okay, you've been warned, right? 

     So, a high school student in Beaverton, Oregon, (Yes, I said Beaverton! God, I'm such a child!) was really "bugged" out by her lunch this past Tuesday. She said what looked like pepper on her potato chips was actually a bunch of dead ants. I told you to finish your breakfast!

     Emily Wagoner went to her local Pita Pit (what the hell is that?) and purchased, among other things, a bag of Miss Vickie's salt-and -vinegar-flavored chips. Wagoner said she ate a few chips before she took a close look and almost lost her lunch. She noticed there were ants all over her chips. Ah, it's protein! She tweeted, "I thought it was seasoning."

     When Wagoner complained to the Pita Pit manager, she was offered a new bag of chips for her trouble, but not a refund on her $14 meal, nor was she given an apology! I am laughing as I write this. People are ridiculous! Needless to say, Wagoner wasn't happy and vowed to never eat at Pita Pit ever again. 

     After a tweet of the bug-infested chips went viral, Wagoner finally heard back from the Pita Pit headquarters. The company sent Wagoner a text saying they were looking into the issue with the location and with Frito-Lay, who makes Miss Vickie's brand of chips. I never heard of those either. The company did offer Wagoner a $50 gift certificate, but she turned it down because she didn't like how she had been treated before. 

     Patrick O'Dell, Pita Pit's marketing director wrote in a statement: "Pita Pit is investigating what led to this isolated incident. Through our communication with the customer it became clear that the initial response to her did not meet our expectations of customer service. We hold our food to the highest quality standards, including pre-packaged items like chips from third-party vendors we partner with, and the health and safety of our guests remains Pita Pit's highest priority." Frito-Lay was nowhere to be found for a comment. 

     This story reminded me of my own incident with ants. I must have been 18 or 19 and hanging out at my "aunt" and uncles house with my cousin in their basement with his friends. My uncle had this fully stocked bar in his basement equipped with actual soda fountains. My cousin and his friends were all drinking and I was just hanging out with them drinking glasses of soda from the soda fountain. Root beer, I believe it was. With every sip I thought I felt bubbles in my mouth as they went down with every sip. I'm not sure what happened, but for some reason I took a look in my glass and it was full of dead ants. Those weren't bubbles from the carbonation I was washing down. Those were dead ants. I almost threw up! My cousin and his friends were drunk, so they started cracking up. We later found out that those nozzles on the soda fountain needed to be cleaned because when they're not, they full of sugar, which attracts ants......Lovely!

THE PEOPLE WALKER

     Well, after the shit-storm I created yesterday on my Facebook page with the NFL players who disrespect our nation in protest, I decided to bring us all back together with nice story about humanity. Now, dog owners will get where I'm coming from with this. If you have to be away from home for long hours at a time with your dog at home, if you're like me, you'll have a dog walker come to your house and walk them, so they're not peeing all over your house because you left them at home so long, right? 

     This bearded fellow is Chuck McCarthy. He recently auditioned as a homicidal biker for a TV show, and is finding glimmers of fame, and possibly a business franchise, with another role he's created for himself.....Los Angeles's first People Walker. That's right! You probably wouldn't hire Chuck as you would a dog walker because we can all hold our urine.....sometimes. 

     Chuck walks humans for $7 a mile around the streets and park near his home, pioneering an alternative to dog walking that requires no leash, just an ability to walk, talk, and, above all, listen. The idea struck the underemployed actor several months ago as a joke, or an imaginary way to make extra cash, until it became real. Chuck said, "The more I thought about it, the less crazy it seemed" as he drained a bottle of water. He now takes hydration seriously with all of the walking he is doing. 

     A homemade T-shirt declared him The People Walker. Now, that's low-budget, mobile advertising at it's finest. He says, I've been doing walks almost every single day for the past week and I'm even getting repeat clients, which is what you want." A stroll with this soft-spoken, hulk seems to be what much of LA wants, based on the response on his Facebook page and homemade flyers, which read: "Need motivation to walk? Scared to walk alone at night? Don't like walking alone at all? Don't want people to see you walking alone and just assume you have no friends? Don't like listening to music or podcasts but can't walk alone in silence, forced to face thoughts of the unknown future, or your own insignificance in the ever expanding universe?" That one made me chuckle. See what I did there? Chuck made me "chuckle."

     Well, it seems the answer to these questions is "Yes." Chuck is fielding hundreds of emails a day from the lonely, the curious and the adventurous, all seeking a stranger's ambulatory company. He said, "I try to listen more than talk. Conversations with clients are seldom confessional, but I respect their confidence."

     So many requests have been coming in that Chuck has recruited five other walkers to serve different parts of LA, though he will not take any cut from their earnings until he figures out a professional business model. The business could grow fast. A woman in Israel has already copied the idea, someone in Britain wants him to do it there, and a guy from NYC asked him to walk his eight-year-old son to the bus stop each day. 

     Chuck is amused and excited by the attention he's receiving and is considering a crowdfunding to hire techies to design an Uber-style app. The app would let walkers and clients rate each other for personability and walking speed. I applaud you, Chuck, for being a humanitarian and for really trying to bring human interaction back into a world that is digital. I think this is a brilliant idea....a funny idea....but brilliant, and will really work in cities like LA and New York. Humanity is not lost yet! But you still need to stand and honor America! See what I did there? 

M.I.L.F. - MOTHER I'D LOVE TO.....WAIT, THAT'S MY MOM!

     Incest is best, but your mother to the test? No, this didn't happen in Florida, but close. Welcome to North Carolina! If you've ever seen a Taboo porno from the 70s, this blog might even turn you on. I mean this lady was no Kay Parker or Nina Hartley, but you get the point. I have to be honest, I don't even get the point.

     This is 44-year-old, Melissa "Missy" Kitchens and her 25-year-old son, Shaun Thomas Pfeiffer, from North Carolina. Both were arrested for having sex with each other and now face felony charges of incest. Incest is a felony charge? Who knew? Kitchens was arrested last week on September 7 and her son, from Weaverville, NC, was arrested a day later. 

     According to the arrest documents, the mother and son had sex in August. Pfeiffer, who is self-employed, also faces charges of indecent liberties with a child, communicating threats and being intoxicated and disruptive. His Facebook page shows that he is the father of a baby boy. Pfeiffer, apparently, lives with both his mother and his wife Shannon Roman. He appears to have posted a photo of his mother online as recently as last month. It is unclear whether Kitchens is married or not. It is also unclear how the allegations came to light. Um, how about a scorned wife who caught the two getting it on? 

     In one comment of a photo with Pfeiffer and his son, Kitchens wrote: "Can't get over how handsome you are." She also hinted to family drama in the long-winded comment. She wrote: "Just trying to Brighten The Mood---Things are Very Stressful and I Love You and I Respect Any Decision---As Long as your Happy and Safe.......I miss you& wish I had more time w you.....Your Very Valuable and Hopefully The Stresses---Will get better." I think someone needs to go back to school and learn how to write. Someone (Kitchens) apparently never learned when to capitalize letters and punctuate. 

     Pfeiffer's wife, Shannon Roman, also took to Facebook last month, sharing a post that said: "When you truly care for someone, their mistakes never change your feelings because it's the mind that gets angry, but the heart still cares." So, it sounds like she's forgiven her husband for banging his mom, but I can almost guarantee that she was also the one who leaked to the police that her husband was laying the pipe to him mom. Just sayin'!

     According to the Buncombe County Jail's website, Pfeiffer is being held on $70,500 bail, while his mom is being held on $30,000. Their next court dates are September 29 and 30. Incest in North Carolina carries a sentence of between 10-41 months in prison. You see the rack on that mom, though? I would have tried breastfeeding on those yam bags until I was at least 21! How is that incest if I was just breastfeeding? I needed my nourishment. Okay, this is getting out of hand. I'll stop now. This is disgusting!

RISE AND SHINE

     Okay, ladies! This blog is for you. You can thank my bud, John B. for bringing this story to my attention. It's the alarm clock to end all alarm clocks!

     If an orgasm won't get you up in the morning, nothing will. This is the Little Rooster S is a vibrator-alarm clock that you slip under your panties, but keep outside your lady parts (if you really want to), to "wake sexy," according to the gizmo's website. 
     
     The device gently begins to shake at a set time every morning, and then vibrates with gradual, increasing intensity to turn your Z's into Big O's. At first, I thought this was a joke, but after visiting the Little Rooster S site, LittleRoosterStore.com, I learned that the $77 clock tease crows that you'll "wake slowly. Sensually. Pleasurably," with 27 intensity levels to choose from. 

     According to inventor Tony Maggs, "It is made for anyone who wants to wake up feeling turned on." He invented the feel-good gadget after noticing how much he and his girlfriend hated her alarm clock. He said, "When you feel great first thing, you feel awesome all day." 

     The original Little Rooster got a lot of buzz in 2011 after Howie Mandel introduced the gadget on the "Jimmy Kimmel Live" show. That device has been sold out, but upgraded to the "S" version, which will ship in October with a quieter and more powerful motor and travel lock. Oh, and a snooze button because sometimes it takes a while to wake up. Isn't that right, ladies? 

     Will this be a weekend only gadget or an everyday gadget? According to Maggs, "Some people do find they can only use it at the weekends." Hey, if it wakes you up and makes you feel great all day, why not use it every day? I mean, I guess this beats me sleeping with my iPhone in my underwear every night to get the vibration first thing in the morning? My iPhone 6-Plus was getting a little bit heavy. You're welcome, ladies!    

9/11 THE WAY I REMEMBER IT....AND WILL NEVER FORGET.

 I posted this entry on my blog for the last few years to commemorate 9/11 and it always receives a very positive response. So, I've made the decision to post this blog entry every year on 9/11, so new readers and new friends can read what I went through on this horrific day. Since 9/11 falls on Sunday this year, I'm posting this today. Here is "9/11 The Way I remember it": 

      In my 5 years of writing this blog, I try to be entertaining and for the most part, funny. Today is not one of those days. In the years prior, I realized that I never shared my 9/11 experience with you in this blog because quite frankly, who wants to re-live that day of horror for New York City and this great nation? Today, I want to share with you, how my day went 15 years ago, which by the way, I cannot believe it's been 15 years already!

      Anyway, I remember driving into Z100 in Jersey City, NJ the morning of 9/11/01. The sun was just rising and was looking like it was going to be a gorgeous day out. I remember it like it was yesterday. The air was crisp. Not too hot and not too cold. It was perfect! For some reason, I remembered driving down the New Jersey Turnpike from my Bergen County home and just looking at that beautiful skyline. Little did I know, it would be the last time that I would be enjoying that skyline with the twin towers standing tall. 

       Our morning was your typical morning of comedic banter among the morning show, which consisted of host Elvis Duran, Christine Nagy, John Bell, Danielle Monaro, Skeery Jones, David Brody, Greg T., Scotty B., a guy named Stick, myself, and our morning show consultant Dennis Clark. I happened to be screening phone calls for the show that day and right before 9 a.m., I received a strange one from a caller saying, "A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center. I'm not sure if it was one of those little Cessna planes, but the North Tower is on fire." I swear to God, those were his exact words. It's weird how some things just stay with you. Now, mind you, the only thing separating where our studios were in Jersey City and the World Trade Center was the Hudson River. We were up on the 36th floor and were literally that close. Also, at the time, the sun was still making its rise, so we brought the blinds behind us down so that we can see our computer screens. So, after I received this call, I turned my chair around and raised the blinds to see one of the most horrific sites I have ever seen in my life. It was clear that this plane that crashed into the North Tower was not a little Cessna because a little Cessna would not have caused damage like that to these strong towers.

      I quickly ran into the studio and told Elvis, who was in a commercial break, about the call and what I saw. The whole show literally ran out to take a look outside our window. Elvis made Christine and I stay in the studio to break the news. He interrupted commercials and asked me to go on the air to explain what had happened and what I saw, while Christine explained what she was reading on the news sources. As I ran back to the call screen area, the hotline rang and it was MJ, one of our promotions girls, and she explained to us that it was a commercial airliner that crashed into the tower. Elvis put her on the air and let her explain. People from different departments in our office showed up to watch from the window, when Stick noticed something flying really low over Staten Island, which was to our right. We literally watched this plane quickly pick up speed and as if it happened in slow motion, it slammed into the South Tower with such an impact, we felt our building shake. We all could not believe what we just saw. A plane used as a weapon as it slammed into the World Trade Center, I just remember seeing a fireball and paper shooting out the other end. I was baffled and confused and it all became clear when I heard Danielle Monaro crying, "Oh my God! We're being attacked by terrorists!" 

        We were forced to evacuate the building and at the time, all I could think about was trying to get home to my family because if there were any more attacks, I wanted to be with them. Elvis and John Bell stayed up in the control booth like true radio men to stay on the air. To this day, I truly commend them for their bravery and loyalty to our listeners. Elvis told us all to go home and be with our loved ones. He and John ended up staying on the air for the majority of the day taking phone calls from listeners as Dennis Clark helped screen the phone calls. Me? I high-tailed it out of there and at the time there was no cell signal. I could not call home. Driving through the streets of Jersey City that day was an absolute mess! People walking the streets like zombies with a "what the hell just happened" look on their face. I remember sitting in traffic and looking in my side view mirror only to see the South Tower collapse. I literally almost threw up when I saw this. I couldn't believe it. I asked the guy in the car next to me, "Did that tower just go down?" He said it did and we sat there stunned! 

      It took me about two hours but I finally got home only to find out that my cousin Michele's fiancée, Arnold Lim, was missing. Arnold and Michele had gotten engaged a month before, and the eerie thing is that one of the last pictures I remember of them, was at their engagement party in Edgewater, NJ and the Towers stood behind them. Anyway, Arn used to work at Lehman Brothers in Jersey City a few floors below me at Z100. We used to meet for lunch all the time. It was right around the time of their engagement that Arn took a job at the Trade Center with a company called Fiduciary Trust. When I found out that no one was able to get in touch, I began calling him every hour only to get his voicemail. The last person to speak to him was my Aunt Barbara, who called him to tell him the towers were on fire. He told her that he knew and he was actually watching it, but the building told everyone on the PA to stay where they were and that they were safe. My aunt told him that she didn't care and to get the hell out of the building. He told her he was leaving and that was the last we heard from him. My guess is that he was making his way down the stairwell when that second plane hit, which is the one I saw. They never found his body. 

      The weeks to follow would be about rebuilding and Memorials. I've heard so many different stories from people who were actually down at the Trade Center and survived. I've also heard stories about people seeing bodies fall around them. I've also heard stories from people who overslept and never made it to work in the Trade Center that day. Then there's the story of my wife, who never made it to the PATH station because her new kitten needed her attention. Everyone in that PATH died underground. With all of these stories and families of the victims, how can we ever forget what those scumbags did to us as a nation? Sure, there are so many other stories! This one was just mine....

And now here stands what looks like the big middle finger to the terrorists....The Freedom Tower!

RAPE? I THOUGHT SHE WAS CRYING FROM MY SIZE!

     If you didn't already think that stockbrokers were pretentious pieces of crap (apologies to my stockbroker buddies!), you're going to love this story! This is 26-year-old Daniel Green, a city trader in the U.K., who denied raping a young woman after a cocaine and champagne-fueled office party, saying he thought she was crying because of his penis size. Um, a someone sounds a little too "BIG" for himself. 

     Green allegedly attacked the woman, who is in her 20s, after she had curled up to sleep under a desk in the early hours. In court, Green said that he had trouble having sex with women because of the size of his penis, which would sometimes cause pain. Yeah, right! I can tell people that too!

     Green told jurors how he had met up with the woman, who cannot be identified, during after-work drinks, which went on to the stockbrokers' offices of StratX. When they arrived, Green said he drank Prosecco wine and a can of Kronenbourg beer from the office fridge while the group snorted a line of cocaine from a desk. He described the party by saying, "The music was pretty good and I jumped on the desk and started dancing. Everyone was dancing. Very enjoyable." Um, shouldn't these guys be getting in trouble for their cocaine use in the office as well? I mean what is this the 80s all over again? 

     Most of the StratX guys went home for the evening, leaving the alleged victim, Green, and two others. Green said he went to a nearby room to find a mobile phone charger and got into a conversation with the woman about her work, a normal conversation you would have with anyone. The he claims the two began kissing, he stripped to just his socks whole unclipping her bra with one hand and helping her out of her black leggings. He tried to have sex with her in a "spooning" position, but it was "awkard," so they turned to face each other. Green told the court, "I looked up and I see a tear on her face. I sat back. I said 'Fuck! You are crying.' She replied, 'Can you leave please, just go!'"

     When he was asked why he thought she was crying, he said, "Maybe my penis was hurting her. I always have difficulty when it comes to having sex with girls. I find my penis is hard to penetrate females." According to Green, his penis 10 inches long and around 4 inches in girth, as he demonstrated with his hand to the jury. He also denied the woman's evidence that she had tried to crawl away from him and he dragged her back and raped her under the desk. He said it all happened "in an instant" and she never said anything to him during the encounter. 

     I have to say, spoken like a true rapist. She never said anything. No means yes! I mean come on! The guy was high on coke, drunk out of his mind, and delusional about his penis size. How can he remember what even happened that night with all the coke and alcohol in his system? Plus, I'd like everyone to measure 4 inches with a ruler. Does it seem likely that he's 4 inches in girth? Maybe 4 inches long. I think the jury would have to measure for sure before they dismiss the fact that she was crying over his penis size. Needless to say, it sounds like rape to me!

WAWA-WHAT HAPPENED AT THE WAWA?

     My North Jersey friends might remember the Wawa as a convenient store down by the Jersey Shore. When I moved down to South Jersey, I learned that Wawa's were "The" place to go to for gas, sandwiches and other convenience store-typed stuff. In North Jersey, we have Quick Check or 7-Eleven. In other parts of Pennsylvania, it's Wawa and Sheets. For those of you outside of this region reading this blog, it's just a convenience store with a gas station. 

     Well, customers at a Pennsylvania Wawa store got an eyeful in the parking lot recently. It turns out, Pennsylvania State Police caught an intoxicated naked woman performing a 'lewd act' with another woman inside a parked car with the windows down. Yup, you missed it! Two girls going at it in the parking lot of a Wawa!

     According to reports, 25-year-old Samantha Dier, of Allentown, is being accused of performing a sex act with another woman in the car parked outside of a Wawa convenience store in Lehigh County. Well, isn't that "convenient." The report also didn't say what the sex act was, which intrigues me a little bit. Was she using her fingers? Her mouth? Come on! They could have left us with a little bit of imagery.

     The incident occurred around 8:45 pm last Friday at the Wawa in Lower Macungie Township. (Where the hell is that?) Police say that Dier was intoxicated and naked from the waste down as she was being fondled inside the open-windowed vehicle as customers walked by, heard some moaning, and peeked in before reporting it to the police. The other woman was not identified in the report. 

     Dier allegedly shouted profanities at the trooper who confronted her. She faces charges of indecent exposure, public intoxication and disorderly conduct. Bail was set at $5,000. I mean, why would you do this at a Wawa, even if you're wasted? The parking lot is so small and tight, you're bound to be caught. At least, get your groove on in a WalMart or Target parking lot. They are much bigger and much more spread out. Even a rest stop would be better. The moral of this story is to always keep your eyes open and be aware of your surroundings because you never know what kind of show you're going to get from the world of the stupid!